06:12
Faizan
I remember lying in bed as a child feeling overwhelmed by my emotions and wanting my life to end. This wasn't a one-off, though; as this was something I went through on numerous occasions.
I had a father, mother, and a sister, but I felt as though I was all by myself; that's not to say that we didn't do anything together, we did. I felt safe around my sister, but I certainly didn't feel safe around my parents.
I'd Had Enough
If I didn't do what these two people wanted, I would often end up being hit or I would be sent to my room. So, after experiencing so much pain, I would often wonder why I had been born.
As a result of this, I thought that the only way that this would change was if my life ended - I couldn't see another way out. On top of this, I was expected to do all kinds of different jobs at our guest house.
Hell on Earth
I remember being told that I had to go outside to help my father and resisting, this didn't do much good. I was forced to go out and I ended up crying, I must have been abound nine years old.
Through having these experiences, I disconnected from myself. Physically I was there, but another part of me had lost the will to live and no longer wanted to be alive; incidentally, 'Finding The Will To Live' is the name that I used for the title of my story.
One Trauma after Another
If I received the kind of care that I needed as a baby it might have been easier for me to handle this stage of my life, but this was a time when I experienced a lot of neglect. Due to this, part of me had already given up before I could even walk.
Each year that passed after this then added another layer of pain/trauma onto the pain/trauma that I was already carrying. The inner experience that I had of not wanting to be alive didn't disappear as I got older, either.
Certain Triggers
One of the things that would bring all this pain up to the surface was the end of a relationship. A relationship would come to an end and I had absolutely no idea why I would experience so much pain.
I had a father, mother, and a sister, but I felt as though I was all by myself; that's not to say that we didn't do anything together, we did. I felt safe around my sister, but I certainly didn't feel safe around my parents.
I'd Had Enough
If I didn't do what these two people wanted, I would often end up being hit or I would be sent to my room. So, after experiencing so much pain, I would often wonder why I had been born.
As a result of this, I thought that the only way that this would change was if my life ended - I couldn't see another way out. On top of this, I was expected to do all kinds of different jobs at our guest house.
Hell on Earth
I remember being told that I had to go outside to help my father and resisting, this didn't do much good. I was forced to go out and I ended up crying, I must have been abound nine years old.
Through having these experiences, I disconnected from myself. Physically I was there, but another part of me had lost the will to live and no longer wanted to be alive; incidentally, 'Finding The Will To Live' is the name that I used for the title of my story.
One Trauma after Another
If I received the kind of care that I needed as a baby it might have been easier for me to handle this stage of my life, but this was a time when I experienced a lot of neglect. Due to this, part of me had already given up before I could even walk.
Each year that passed after this then added another layer of pain/trauma onto the pain/trauma that I was already carrying. The inner experience that I had of not wanting to be alive didn't disappear as I got older, either.
Certain Triggers
One of the things that would bring all this pain up to the surface was the end of a relationship. A relationship would come to an end and I had absolutely no idea why I would experience so much pain.
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