04:51
Faizan
"Boys are really just interested in sex, not dating," is a stereotypical maxim that doesn't give your teenage son credit for negotiating the complicated myriad feelings he has about dating and relationships. Although teenage sons experience the same level of anxiety and insecurity about dating as do teenage daughters, they are wary, due to cultural expectations, to discuss feelings of uncertainty or inadequacy. To complicate matters further, a teenage boy is less adept at explaining his feelings, according to a study published by the World Health Organization. Don't let your son's reluctance to talk stop you from broaching the subject of dating; he needs help with this complicated and very important life task.
Modeling Healthy Behaviors
Model appropriate relationship behaviors for your son. He's not going to take anything you have to say seriously if you're constantly fighting, arguing with or avoiding your significant other. Behave the same way you want your son to behave, or your words will just sound hollow.
Build an ongoing family relationship based on cooperation, shared activities and interdependence to teach your son how to behave in his own dating relationships, advice given in an article about talking to teens about dating by assistant professor Kate Fogarty and producer Donna Davis, published on the University of Florida Website. Teach your son skills that he can use in his own relationships, and he will benefit for a lifetime.
Give your son a structure in which he can share his feelings and even disagree with you. Start using this structure when you discuss everyday matters, such as doing his chores, and he'll rely on this framework when the issues discussed become more personal. Have regular chats with him where both parents express their feelings, so he'll have the tools necessary to talk with you.
Talking About Dating
Watch television programs with your son and, after the show, discuss your feelings about the dating values expressed on the show. Ask your son for his opinions. By discussing characters that are relevant to him, your son will begin to express his values about dating and relationships and learn to ask for your opinions in a non-threatening manner.
Use self-disclosure. Your message will carry more weight if you share your own experiences. Discuss your own mistakes to help your son open up and voice his insecurities to you.
Persevere even though your son verbally and nonverbally communicates to you that he doesn't want to talk to you. Give him some privacy once he's educated, but discuss your opinions on dating first so he's sure of the rules and morals important to your family.
Talking About Sex
Read about the technical aspects of sex and birth control prior to initiating a discussion, so you can answer your son's questions. Things have changed a lot since you first received your sex education, so brush up on the facts. For example, as of 2006, the FDA approved Gardasil, a vaccine that prevents genital warts among boys ages 9 through 26. Rely on sources such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for reliable facts.
Discuss your feelings and opinions in addition to facts. Your son is looking for guidance as to how an honorable man behaves, and he can't get this from any textbook. Include both parents in the discussion, if possible, so he can get a male and female viewpoint.
Ask your son questions if you see signs that he's behaving in a way that contradicts your family values. Listen as well as talk but don't be afraid to reinforce the rules, even if he gets angry or withdraws. Remind your son that you're intervening based on love, concern and parental duty.
Modeling Healthy Behaviors
Model appropriate relationship behaviors for your son. He's not going to take anything you have to say seriously if you're constantly fighting, arguing with or avoiding your significant other. Behave the same way you want your son to behave, or your words will just sound hollow.
Build an ongoing family relationship based on cooperation, shared activities and interdependence to teach your son how to behave in his own dating relationships, advice given in an article about talking to teens about dating by assistant professor Kate Fogarty and producer Donna Davis, published on the University of Florida Website. Teach your son skills that he can use in his own relationships, and he will benefit for a lifetime.
Give your son a structure in which he can share his feelings and even disagree with you. Start using this structure when you discuss everyday matters, such as doing his chores, and he'll rely on this framework when the issues discussed become more personal. Have regular chats with him where both parents express their feelings, so he'll have the tools necessary to talk with you.
Talking About Dating
Watch television programs with your son and, after the show, discuss your feelings about the dating values expressed on the show. Ask your son for his opinions. By discussing characters that are relevant to him, your son will begin to express his values about dating and relationships and learn to ask for your opinions in a non-threatening manner.
Use self-disclosure. Your message will carry more weight if you share your own experiences. Discuss your own mistakes to help your son open up and voice his insecurities to you.
Persevere even though your son verbally and nonverbally communicates to you that he doesn't want to talk to you. Give him some privacy once he's educated, but discuss your opinions on dating first so he's sure of the rules and morals important to your family.
Talking About Sex
Read about the technical aspects of sex and birth control prior to initiating a discussion, so you can answer your son's questions. Things have changed a lot since you first received your sex education, so brush up on the facts. For example, as of 2006, the FDA approved Gardasil, a vaccine that prevents genital warts among boys ages 9 through 26. Rely on sources such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for reliable facts.
Discuss your feelings and opinions in addition to facts. Your son is looking for guidance as to how an honorable man behaves, and he can't get this from any textbook. Include both parents in the discussion, if possible, so he can get a male and female viewpoint.
Ask your son questions if you see signs that he's behaving in a way that contradicts your family values. Listen as well as talk but don't be afraid to reinforce the rules, even if he gets angry or withdraws. Remind your son that you're intervening based on love, concern and parental duty.
Posted in: Dating & Relationships
