06:37
Faizan
If I wanted to ask my mother something when I was younger, I would often wait until there were guests around. The reason for this was that I knew that there was less chance of my mother raising her voice or losing her temper.
Through having other guests around or oven just one person, it allowed me to say something to her without feeling completely on edge. But even if she didn't lose it when she was around others, it didn't mean that she wouldn't change after they were not around.
A Break
Sometimes these guests were family friends and, at other times, they were staying at our house. Our house was a guest house, which meant that rarely did a day go by when there wasn't at least one person saying there.
So, as her personality generally changed when these people were around, it made it a lot easier for me to settle down. But when it was just my family and I, I had to be on high alert.
Inner Turmoil
My mother's inner world had to be a place of extreme unrest; she must have felt emotionally raw for most of her waking hours. If I said something at the dinner table, whilst she was watching TV, it was as though I had said something extremely offensive.
It didn't take a lot to set her off, the smallest thing would do it, and this behaviour moulded me into someone who was fearful, edgy and withdrawn. I ended up doing just about everything I could to please her.
Another Factor
Not only did I have to worry about my mother losing it over the smallest things, I had to worry about what my father would do, too. There would be moments when I would be hit by my father for doing something that displeased my mother.
Through having other guests around or oven just one person, it allowed me to say something to her without feeling completely on edge. But even if she didn't lose it when she was around others, it didn't mean that she wouldn't change after they were not around.
A Break
Sometimes these guests were family friends and, at other times, they were staying at our house. Our house was a guest house, which meant that rarely did a day go by when there wasn't at least one person saying there.
So, as her personality generally changed when these people were around, it made it a lot easier for me to settle down. But when it was just my family and I, I had to be on high alert.
Inner Turmoil
My mother's inner world had to be a place of extreme unrest; she must have felt emotionally raw for most of her waking hours. If I said something at the dinner table, whilst she was watching TV, it was as though I had said something extremely offensive.
It didn't take a lot to set her off, the smallest thing would do it, and this behaviour moulded me into someone who was fearful, edgy and withdrawn. I ended up doing just about everything I could to please her.
Another Factor
Not only did I have to worry about my mother losing it over the smallest things, I had to worry about what my father would do, too. There would be moments when I would be hit by my father for doing something that displeased my mother.
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