06:43
Faizan
For a number of years, I felt extremely motivated when it came to writing articles, and I had a strong need to become a successful author. There was no middle ground; it was a case of hitting the big time or nothing at all.
When I was able to take a step back and to look into why I was behaving in this way, I found it hard to understand what was going on. This wasn't something that I did very often, though, as I was so caught up in my need to be a success.
My Definition
And as I have said above, being successful meant rising to the top and being a well-known author. Consequently, just about everything else in my life faded into the background; I did other things, but these things were not anywhere near as important.
I believed that if I wrote enough articles and books, it would only be a matter of time before I was able to reach my goal. Said another way, I was going to use will power to achieve what I wanted.
Confusion
The reason I had moments when I found it hard to understand what was going on was because, for most of my life, I wasn't really that motivated when it came to this area of my life. It was then as though all this drive had come out of nowhere.
At the same time, perhaps it came down to the fact that I hadn't come across anything before that really interested me. I was like a machine that primarily existed to write; also, I often wondered if I was keeping the writing going or if the writing was keeping me going.
It Gradually Became Clear
Through my own reflection, research, and the conversations I had with a friend, I was able to see what was going on. One of the main things that were driving my behaviour was what I believed about myself at a deeper level.
Deep down, I believed that I was worthless, and this set me up to believe that my value was defined by what I did. So, as I felt so low on the inside, it meant that I had to rise to an extremely high level on the outside.
When I was able to take a step back and to look into why I was behaving in this way, I found it hard to understand what was going on. This wasn't something that I did very often, though, as I was so caught up in my need to be a success.
My Definition
And as I have said above, being successful meant rising to the top and being a well-known author. Consequently, just about everything else in my life faded into the background; I did other things, but these things were not anywhere near as important.
I believed that if I wrote enough articles and books, it would only be a matter of time before I was able to reach my goal. Said another way, I was going to use will power to achieve what I wanted.
Confusion
The reason I had moments when I found it hard to understand what was going on was because, for most of my life, I wasn't really that motivated when it came to this area of my life. It was then as though all this drive had come out of nowhere.
At the same time, perhaps it came down to the fact that I hadn't come across anything before that really interested me. I was like a machine that primarily existed to write; also, I often wondered if I was keeping the writing going or if the writing was keeping me going.
It Gradually Became Clear
Through my own reflection, research, and the conversations I had with a friend, I was able to see what was going on. One of the main things that were driving my behaviour was what I believed about myself at a deeper level.
Deep down, I believed that I was worthless, and this set me up to believe that my value was defined by what I did. So, as I felt so low on the inside, it meant that I had to rise to an extremely high level on the outside.
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