04:36
Faizan
Most physically abusive relationships begin with verbal abuse, according to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension Publications. When parents can identify the characteristics of a verbally abusive relationship, the decision to intervene on behalf of their teen might become easier given the potential for escalation. In a verbally abusive relationship, the abuser uses both words and “mind games” to control the victimized teenager. While not all verbal abuse leads to physical abuse, it nevertheless can be very damaging.
Warning Signs
Listening carefully to teens' reports of conversations with their boyfriends or girlfriends can help parents pick up on clues for verbal abuse. The boyfriend might constantly contradict your teen, offsetting trust in her own judgment and feelings, according to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. He might also withhold communication or affection for days at a time. Parents might notice a girlfriend making jokes at their teenage son’s expense, mocking him for being afraid of thunderstorms or misplacing his cell phone. If your teen makes an attempt to confront the partner about these hurtful comments, the partner might deny making these statements or argue that your teen also makes negative statements.
Early Discussions
Parents might start asking a teen how he feels about the negative statements, if their teen has confided in them. Parents who suspect verbal abuse might ask their teen why she skipped dinner with friends or soccer practice. Some teens have the misconception that a demanding romantic partner or jealousy is flattering because it demonstrates emotional intensity and love, according to Kids Health.org. Drawing these misconceptions out into the open for supportive discussion can help parents determine whether further steps are needed. According to the "New York Times," social isolation is a strong indicator that abuse is taking place.
Boundaries
Parents sometimes hesitate to get involved in their teen’s affairs, either for fear of stirring resentment or because they don’t want to overly protect children from the realities of life’s consequences, according to "Psychology Today." Soft-pedaling consequences might decrease a teen’s resiliency over time. Parents should, however, ask themselves questions when deciding to get involved. First, parents should decide whether there is imminent danger for their teenager. If the relationship seems potentially dangerous or is causing emotional harm, it’s time to get involved -- and depending on the situation and your child's emotional well-being -- seek professional help. Second, parents should determine whether a teen’s choices are habitual or patterned because this could signal a deeper problem. For example, the teen might struggle with self-esteem or self-worth issues that require professional support.
Advocating
Parents can justify getting involved in a teen’s verbally abusive relationship because she might lack the tools to extricate herself from the situation, according to the Child Development Institute. Although it’s possible to simply forbid a teen from continuing the relationship, there is no guarantee that communication will actually stop. Additionally, it does not allow your teen the chance to understand why the relationship is not in her best interest. Parents might be better off educating their teen about why the verbal abuse is harmful and unacceptable, and matching their actions to incidents as they occur. Consider calling the parents of the boyfriend or girlfriend to share your concerns. Or, ask that your teen end a phone call that veers toward verbal abuse. No matter what, keep communication lines open with your teenager so that he or she feels safe approaching you with concerns.
Warning Signs
Listening carefully to teens' reports of conversations with their boyfriends or girlfriends can help parents pick up on clues for verbal abuse. The boyfriend might constantly contradict your teen, offsetting trust in her own judgment and feelings, according to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. He might also withhold communication or affection for days at a time. Parents might notice a girlfriend making jokes at their teenage son’s expense, mocking him for being afraid of thunderstorms or misplacing his cell phone. If your teen makes an attempt to confront the partner about these hurtful comments, the partner might deny making these statements or argue that your teen also makes negative statements.
Early Discussions
Parents might start asking a teen how he feels about the negative statements, if their teen has confided in them. Parents who suspect verbal abuse might ask their teen why she skipped dinner with friends or soccer practice. Some teens have the misconception that a demanding romantic partner or jealousy is flattering because it demonstrates emotional intensity and love, according to Kids Health.org. Drawing these misconceptions out into the open for supportive discussion can help parents determine whether further steps are needed. According to the "New York Times," social isolation is a strong indicator that abuse is taking place.
Boundaries
Parents sometimes hesitate to get involved in their teen’s affairs, either for fear of stirring resentment or because they don’t want to overly protect children from the realities of life’s consequences, according to "Psychology Today." Soft-pedaling consequences might decrease a teen’s resiliency over time. Parents should, however, ask themselves questions when deciding to get involved. First, parents should decide whether there is imminent danger for their teenager. If the relationship seems potentially dangerous or is causing emotional harm, it’s time to get involved -- and depending on the situation and your child's emotional well-being -- seek professional help. Second, parents should determine whether a teen’s choices are habitual or patterned because this could signal a deeper problem. For example, the teen might struggle with self-esteem or self-worth issues that require professional support.
Advocating
Parents can justify getting involved in a teen’s verbally abusive relationship because she might lack the tools to extricate herself from the situation, according to the Child Development Institute. Although it’s possible to simply forbid a teen from continuing the relationship, there is no guarantee that communication will actually stop. Additionally, it does not allow your teen the chance to understand why the relationship is not in her best interest. Parents might be better off educating their teen about why the verbal abuse is harmful and unacceptable, and matching their actions to incidents as they occur. Consider calling the parents of the boyfriend or girlfriend to share your concerns. Or, ask that your teen end a phone call that veers toward verbal abuse. No matter what, keep communication lines open with your teenager so that he or she feels safe approaching you with concerns.
Posted in: Teen Dating & Sex
