00:30
Faizan
A while back, I wrote about how "Being Responsible" may be crimping our creativity. My bone with "responsibility" doesn't end there. It has become apparent to me, as I work with clients who have more of a "nurturing" inclination, "responsibility" can be costing them financially in their businesses.
Let's start with our conditioning, what we have been told as "good", and how we try to get approval and acceptance by doing what others are considered to be "good."
Even though we were conditioned to consider "being responsible" as a "virtue", few were taught where to draw the line. What responsibilities do we pick up? Where do we draw the line? How to discern the "should's" from what truly comes from our heart, that we really do want to take on?
We got slapped with the big words "responsibility" and were left to figure it out on our own at some tender young age. (How Irresponsible was that??!)
We were praised for taking on responsibilities, so in order to gain approval and acceptance (we all do, to a certain degree, that's human nature) we sometimes say "yes" to things that are not ours to take on.
What have you taken on that are NOT yours to bear? Look at the baggage you are dragging around... are you carrying other people's crap mistaking it as your own?
"Responsibility" and Codependency
Being "responsible" out of "being good" or "being approved/loved/accepted" may set off the booby trap of codependency that will cause you not just your sanity but also potentially your business.
People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs. Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. (Wikipedia)
Codependency can show up as:
Undercharging - you feel responsible for giving everyone access to your service and you have the belief that you can "help more people" by charging less. (You are trying to give everyone your stuff whether they want it or not - and this, is a violation of the other person's boundary.)
Over-delivering (e.g. going overtime or providing "out of scope" deliverables without being compensated, writing pages after pages of support emails, "throwing in" extras) - you feel responsible for your clients' results even though they need to do the work to succeed. Because you feel responsible, you would bend over backwards - compromising your own boundaries in order to "help" that person with the misconception that somehow, you can do the work for your client (Remote kale-eating, anyone?) (By the way, the client may or may not want to be helped, so in a way, you are violating that her personal choice.)
Constantly discounting - you buy into the client's money stories and somehow made felt responsible that your fee will turn into the cause of her distress so you discount to make yourself feel better. (By the way, you have no rights to decided for the other person what she can or cannot afford... it's her priority and her decisions to make.)
Let's start with our conditioning, what we have been told as "good", and how we try to get approval and acceptance by doing what others are considered to be "good."
Even though we were conditioned to consider "being responsible" as a "virtue", few were taught where to draw the line. What responsibilities do we pick up? Where do we draw the line? How to discern the "should's" from what truly comes from our heart, that we really do want to take on?
We got slapped with the big words "responsibility" and were left to figure it out on our own at some tender young age. (How Irresponsible was that??!)
We were praised for taking on responsibilities, so in order to gain approval and acceptance (we all do, to a certain degree, that's human nature) we sometimes say "yes" to things that are not ours to take on.
What have you taken on that are NOT yours to bear? Look at the baggage you are dragging around... are you carrying other people's crap mistaking it as your own?
"Responsibility" and Codependency
Being "responsible" out of "being good" or "being approved/loved/accepted" may set off the booby trap of codependency that will cause you not just your sanity but also potentially your business.
People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs. Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. (Wikipedia)
Codependency can show up as:
Undercharging - you feel responsible for giving everyone access to your service and you have the belief that you can "help more people" by charging less. (You are trying to give everyone your stuff whether they want it or not - and this, is a violation of the other person's boundary.)
Over-delivering (e.g. going overtime or providing "out of scope" deliverables without being compensated, writing pages after pages of support emails, "throwing in" extras) - you feel responsible for your clients' results even though they need to do the work to succeed. Because you feel responsible, you would bend over backwards - compromising your own boundaries in order to "help" that person with the misconception that somehow, you can do the work for your client (Remote kale-eating, anyone?) (By the way, the client may or may not want to be helped, so in a way, you are violating that her personal choice.)
Constantly discounting - you buy into the client's money stories and somehow made felt responsible that your fee will turn into the cause of her distress so you discount to make yourself feel better. (By the way, you have no rights to decided for the other person what she can or cannot afford... it's her priority and her decisions to make.)
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