Passive-Aggressive Disorder Parenting

Passive-aggressive disorder in a family can create a cycle of negative behavior that can continue through generations. Parents have the power to stop the cycle by adapting and changing their parenting approach and, most importantly, having the willingness to look at themselves and challenge their own set of ingrained passive-aggressive behaviors.

• Ineffective Parenting

  1. Passive-aggressive disorder is a personality trait that thrives on resistance and avoidance and can often be an act of unconscious expression. What starts out as a shield for the passive-aggressive individual, deflecting the feeling and expression of negative emotions and "protecting" against negative consequences, quickly becomes an isolation bubble, undermining honest communication and effective methods of relating. A 2009 study in the publication "Psychiatry" summed up the cause of passive-aggressive behavior as a "disruption in learning" occurring in childhood, affecting the way individuals handle conflict in relationships. One such "disruption" was identified as "ineffective parenting behavior."

• Negative Life Lessons

  1. Behaviors of passive-aggressive parents have an effect on the way they teach their children to navigate relationships and life. Commonly voiced complaints of passive-aggressive adults are feeling undervalued, discontentment with their circumstance in life and resentment toward others who have a seemingly better life. However, direct action is never taken to change their perceived unfortunate circumstance -- true feelings and opinions are left to fester within. Their "passive" behaviors serve to displace accountability and responsibility, sending an impressionable message to their children that they have neither control nor power to make changes in their own environment and lives. These life lessons are internalized by the child and in turn displayed in her behavior, kicking off a negative learning cycle.

• Power in Resistance

  1. By learning to use these behaviors successfully, children have an indirect way of gaining power over their parents. An article at EmpoweringParents.com describes one such behavior in kids as "learned helplessness." When a child acts "helpless" and someone steps in to do the job for her, that child has just learned how to get what she wants without being openly disobedient or expressing frustration. Parents who give in to resistance and begin to expect less of their children, leave fewer opportunities to learn to be accountable for their actions.

• Breaking the Cycle

  1. The first step in long-term behavioral change is an awareness and recognition of ineffective behaviors in oneself and others. Signe Whitson, a licensed social worker, author and educator, stresses the importance of being willing "to point out anger directly, when it is present in a situation," according to a 2013 article at PsychologyToday.com. Whitson outlines a means of challenging passive-aggression through recognition of the behavior, affirmation of the anger and refusal to become "entangled in a no-win power struggle." By conscientiously parenting and living as the example, the adult can teach the child how to manage anger in her life and create a safe environment where the child is no longer afraid or hesitant to express emotions openly.

Posted in: Parenting & Family